Friday

Metodologi Penelitian

halo, sekarang saya masuk semester enam. salah satu makul yang mengekor adalah metodologi penelitian. makul ini sebenarnya bisa diambil di semester lima, tapi secara normal merupakan makul semester genap tahun ketiga. minggu depan saya harus ngumpulin judul, dan ratusan judul yang muncul di kepala saya selalu berkutat pada ilmu budaya, sastra dan sosial-antropologi. saya kadang gemes sama diri saya sendiri. kalau ada masukan jurnal-jurnal, artikel atau isu akuntansi yang menarik dan researchable (i mean saya sekarang fokusnya cepat lulus saja agar segera bebas dari akuntansi dan kembali utuh mengejar passion dan mimpi, jadi harapannya topik skripsi mudah--secara literatur maupun pengambilan dan pengolahan data empirisnya) silakan kontak saya melalui email, whatsapp, line, sms, telepon, kartupos, apapun. saya ingin segera menyelesaikan kontrak saya kepada orang tua dan kontrak saya (mau-tidak-mau, dipungkiri-tidak-dipungkiri) terhadap standard sosial agar bisa lega dan bebas mengejar apa yang seutuhnya menjadi keinginan saya. misalnya, menerbitkan fiksi, sekolah perfilman, membuat proyek musik, menjadi penggerak seni pertunjukan dan menekuni ilmu budaya. dan berwirausaha kreatif. juga belajar memasak. dan menjadi pengajar anak-anak di hutan-hutan di sulawesi dan papua. dan kalimantan atau sumatra. atau mungkin kerja di vogue. atau menerbitkan majalah sendiri, siapa tahu. hhe hhe.

Monday


part 2 : how to become a creative director
full documentary

now lemme reveal something, i usually watch so much youtube videos. i saved em offline, replaying em again and again i'll never get bored of. and then few days ago i just realized something, why didnt i put em on my blog? and i really love alexa's hair tbh

i love models with strong characters. i love alexa chung, i love cara so much (who doesnt?!), and of course i love camille rowe. the three are very genuine and smart, and weird, they're not only physically beautiful but also personally attractive.

other video starring camille rowe i saved online:
my favvvvv one! how to speak french with camille rowe - i-D (because of this video--and vira talisa too--i want to learn french, lul)
model wall - vogue
how to shop vintage denim with camille rowe
french vs american

// cherry blossom song

inspired by the song sakura no uta by kana-boon. (maybe u can play it while reading)

seorang remaja lelaki terbangun dari tidur siangnya.

sembari beranjak, ditenggaknya setengah botol air mineral yang semalam ia beli dalam perjalanan pulang menuju flat yang terletak di tengah kota tokyo itu. langit di luar jendela tampak mendung. ia lupa menutup jendela rupanya.

melintasi ruangan menuju ke arah jendela yang masih terbuka, flat itu redup dan terasa lapang meski sedikit berantakan. sejak menempatinya tiga tahun lalu, tidak banyak barang yang ia tambahkan. tempat sampah di sudut dipenuhi bungkus mi instan dan kaleng minuman. remaja lelaki itu baru saja menuntaskan tegukan terakhir saat butiran hujan tiba-tiba saja berjatuhan.

melempar botol kosong ke tempat sampah, ia menggeser jendela di hadapannya hingga menutup sebelum kemudian memutuskan untuk kembali menjatuhkan diri ke atas ranjang.

natsuno terbangun suatu pagi oleh suara kencang alarm yang memekakkan telinga. bukan, itu bukan alarm. itu suara ibunya.

pagi itu adalah hari pertamanya menjadi siswa baru tokaichiba shogakko sejak keluarganya pindah ke osaka bulan lalu. ayah natsuno merupakan seorang kontraktor, dan sebuah proyek besar membuat mereka sekeluarga terpaksa meninggalkan tokyo selama beberapa tahun. beberapa tahun, ayahnya berjanji, dan natsuno dapat kembali bertemu dengan teman-teman bermainnya di tokyo.

saat itu musim semi, dan jalanan di dekat rumah barunya dipenuhi oleh pohon sakura yang sedang mekar. lalu BRUK.

seorang gadis asing yang berjalan tak jauh di depannya baru saja menjatuhkan buku-buku yang tampaknya berat. natsuno mendongak pada ibunya dan bersama-sama mereka menghampiri gadis asing itu. namun sesaat setelah semua bukunya terkumpul, gadis itu menggumamkan terimakasih dan berlari pergi.

"manis sekali, sepertinya ia malu padamu." kata ibu sambil tersenyum dan menoleh pada natsuno. natsuno rupanya tidak mendengarkan. ia sibuk mengingat-ingat nama yang tertera pada seragam gadis itu. harumi.

*

lelaki itu kembali terjaga. namun kali ini ia hanya berbaring, menatap langit-langit. hujan di luar sudah reda. matahari kembali muncul dari balik gumpalan awan. ia mendongak ke arah meja tempat jam digitalnya berada. sudah waktunya.

'natsuno, mereka sudah mekar!' harumi berlari mendahuluinya sambil mengangkat kedua tangan tinggi-tinggi. natsuno yang lupa membawa bekal makan siang hari itu sedikit enggan untuk ikut berlari menyusul teman kecilnya.

harumi selalu sama saja, terlalu berlebihan menyukai musim semi dan bunga sakura.

'lihat mereka mekar!'
'ya aku melihatnya, berhentilah berteriak seperti ibuku, kau mulai terlihat menyeramkan tahu'
'mereka indah sekali. apakah bunga sakura selalu terlihat sama di mana saja?'
'kudengar yang terindah berada di sini'

'kalau begitu aku tak akan pergi kemana mana'

'tentu saja--'

'mereka sangat cantik.'

kemudian angin berembus lembut, membuat beberapa bunga gugur berterbangan, sama seperti rambut mereka. hari itu tak seperti biasanya harumi tidak mengikat rambut. natsuno tidak pernah melihat harumi seperti itu.

'kono hana yori mo.. kirei na hana ga me no mae ni saiteru,' entah mengapa kata kata yang keluar dari mulutnya tiba-tiba saja memelan menjadi bisikan. natsuno tersenyum melihat harumi tertawa.

tanpa terasa lima tahun terlalui begitu saja sejak hari kepindahan natsuno ke osaka. usai pesta perpisahan, seperti yang telah dijanjikan, natsuno menunggu harumi di bawah pohon sakura yang biasa mereka lewati saat berangkat ke sekolah.

malam itu, harumi mengikat rambutnya. malam itu mereka berjanji untuk saling mengunjungi di kemudian hari. seperti yang dijanjikan ayah, natsuno akan berangkat kembali ke tokyo untuk melanjutkan sekolah menengah.

*

tujuh tahun berlalu, natsuno merupa seorang remaja lelaki yang tampan. ayahnya masih tetap bepergian untuk menangani proyek di prefektur lain, namun ia memilih untuk menetap di tokyo dan melanjutkan perguruan tinggi meski harus tinggal seorang diri.

jarak antara tokyo dan osaka dapat ditempuh hanya dalam waktu 2,5 jam. baru saja terdengar suara seorang wanita dari speaker di salah satu sudut yang mengumumkan nama stasiun tempat mereka akan berhenti. siang itu langit musim semi sedikit berawan, namun hujan sudah sepenuhnya pergi, menyisakan genangan air di beberapa bagian. natsuno menghambur bersama para penumpang yang turun di stasiun shin-osaka yang penuh sesak, kemudian berjalan menyusuri jalan-jalan yang sudah tak asing lagi.

sebuah buku catatan digenggamnya di tangan kirinya. bertahun-tahun yang lalu, buku bersampul biru muda itu pernah menjadi tempat dimana ia menggoreskan apa saja ketika sedang bosan. tak sepenuhnya menyadari berapa lama ia telah berjalan, tiba-tiba saja natsuno telah sampai di sana.

miyazano harumi. harumi yang sejak dulu selalu diingatnya.

pusara batu itu tampak rapi dan terlihat baru saja dibersihkan. beberapa ikat bunga masih tampak segar, sepertinya juga ada yang berkunjung sebelum dirinya. tahun-tahun telah berlalu semenjak ia meningalkan osaka, namun tempat itu akan selalu menjadi rumah kemana kenangannya bersama harumi berpulang.

'hey harumi!' kali ini natsuno belari mengejar teman kecilnya.

ia sangat kesal karena harumi baru saja merusak sketsa yang sudah dikerjakannya selama satu minggu penuh. besok mereka akan melakukan pesta perpisahan sekolah, dan natsuno akan kembali ke tokyo bersama ayah dan ibunya.

mereka menghabiskan siang itu dengan bertukar bekal di bawah pohon yang sama--selalu sama, pohon sakura kesukaan harumi. lama mereka duduk berdampingan dalam diam, menikmati makan siang terakhir sebagai siswa tokaichiba.

'hey harumi' gumam natsuno di tengah kunyahannya.
'ya?'

'kau tidak akan kemana-mana kan?'

'tentu saja.'


*

dalam perjalannya kembali ke stasiun, natsuno melewati sebuah pohon sakura. pohon yang sangat ia kenali. pohon yang tak pernah berubah sejak ia meninggalkannya tujuh tahun lalu. sejenak genggamannya pada buku bersampul biru muda itu mengencang.

cepat cepat dihapusnya air yang tiba-tiba mengalir keluar dari sudut matanya
tapi air mata itu tak mau berhenti mengalir.

'apa yang sedang kautulis?' tanya harumi yang melihat natsuno begitu tenggelam dalam pensil dan bukunya.
'aku tidak sedang menulis'
'lalu?'
'bukan apa-apa'
'kalau begitu aku ingin lihat' buku yang sedari tadi berada di pangkuan natsuno terenggut begitu saja.
'gambar apa ini, buruk sekali'
'kau ini--'
'aku harus memberinya sedikit keindahan'
'jangan kau akan merus--' tapi terlambat, harumi telah menggoreskan sesuatu menggunakan pena miliknya.
'suatu saat jika kau merindukanku lihat saja gambar ini' ucap harumi tersenyum puas.
'apa ini? puisi bunga sakura--kau menambahkan puisi bunga sakura ini di atas gambar godzilla--'
'ah kau pasti akan merindukanku suatu hari nanti, terima saja' ucap harumi sambil berlari menjauh, menghindari natsuno yang mulai beranjak untuk memberi sedikit pelajaran pada teman kecilnya itu.

*

siang itu musim semi tampak begitu indah. sebuah buku bersampul biru muda tergeletak di bawah pohon sakura yang rindang. angin yang lembut meniup beberapa kelopak yang gugur berterbangan, seperti halnya halaman-halaman buku itu. pada halaman yang terbuka terlihat sketsa monster godzilla yang dibuat menggunakan pensil, yang, entah bagaimana memiliki rambut-rambut tak beraturan. jika dilihat lebih dekat, rambut-rambut itu merupakan tulisan seorang gadis berisikan kalimat-kalimat indah tentang bunga sakura.

'mereka indah sekali. apakah bunga sakura selalu terlihat sama di mana saja?'

'kudengar yang terindah berada di sini'

'kalau begitu aku tak akan pergi kemana mana'

'tentu saja--'


_________

february 6, 05:26 AM. inspired by the song sakura no uta by kana-boon.

you said you liked cherry blossoms/ but what i think in my head is,
'a flower far more beautiful than those flowers is right before my eyes'

yeah right/ i was a child, unable to say a single joke/ i'm ashamed of myself
melodies are always what come out of my mouth
i couldnt even come up with a simple line

walking along the highway, i sang with you--i cant forget it
i sang my feelings to you discreetly, the cherry blossom song

when i open my notebook your writing becomes your voice and pierces at me
i gather the borrowed words that i had kept/ and make them into a song to return to you

yeah right/ tough i dont have an ounce of that kind of talent
melodies are always what come out of my mouth
by the time they're completed it's already too late

running along the highway, i sang alone; a song i cant forget
crammed with memories of just the two of us, the cherry blossom song

why--why, tell me, answer me
i was a child, i guess we cant go back now

but hey, the cherry blossoms we saw together are blooming beautifully again this year

so come back, my cherry blossom

running along the highway, i sang a song i made; so i wouldnt forget you
crammed with my true feelings, the cherry blossom song

Saturday

For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic.

one of the reason why i put the title that way (up) is because it was the song i used to sing on stages (read: yes on stages) with my cover-band back in junior high school.

i actually wanted to write this in line with my previous post about paramore, but i just felt it will look better as an independent entry, so here it is.

ok the time i began to write the title, my spotify playlist was playing when it rains, but now it heads on let the flame begins. well let it does. anyway, it's funny how my heart literally (ok i will stop exaggerating) exploded after knowing zac officially reunites with paramore (as he and his bro left in 2010 followed by davis who left in the end of 2015, making hayley as the only original formers of the band). now with zac's homecoming, i as a diehard fan hope that paramore will find back its soul. and just in case they change their minds, for josh and jeremy to come back too. hehe.

this post is dedicated for the energy i gained during my adolescent and my true love for the band, paramore.

basically i had all of their albums and i can sing every single lyrics of every single song like a native, although i slightly have less excitement when it comes to their last album, the self-titled one. i bet i'm too used to listen their songs when farros were in it but yea i still love em and sing it out loud. and when i sing theirs i sing with my whole heart, i jump, i close my eyes and shoot a high note, i also do headbangs even when nobody's around. but my mom knows it.

their song are just so nicely crafted (to be honest i will just say fuckin great instead but i need to watch my mouth now), i mean it was alternative rock, but it's still very enjoyable and easy-listening. the lyrics are very *not-excessively* poetic and deep and honest but still edgy. its frontman is female, has a strong character and yet so cute (too cute tho for a rock band) and has a very awesome hair. and its songs are very melodic yet energetic in the same way the drums never fails. i wrote on my gram yesterday:
(picture)

so i was (ok this is confession) beyond happy when risang, my jhs band guitarist, texted me one afternoon, asking me to join the cover-band for festivals where they would perform paramore's songs. ok i love musics, my family is all about it but in our circle we usually go for classic or jazz and now i would hit the stage with alternatives and rocks stuff. now i tell u, i was very on fire that time because i'd been listening to riot! and all we know is falling (as brand new eyes was released in the same year) and of course i said yes.

there we began, i met dion and ata and we hit stage to stage singing paramore's songs (we still covered several other songs but it's mainly paramore songs). i remember we were still 8 graders that time and it's really amazing now to know i was able to cover my favorite band's songs at such a very young age. in my age now, whenever i see junior high students i always feel they're actually so small and young yknow. when i was in their level i always felt i was so grown up and seemed having my own choices and perspectives about the world but in fact i was not.

but i was 8 grader and i covered paramore stages-to-stages basis even i did headbangs several times and omg they are paramore, even this time i can listen to them and still am impressed with the musics and energy. and to imagine a small junior high school girl singing those songs on the stage is very surreal yet interesting.

now i'm proud of myself a little. lol

(and to be honest, kok sekarang aku jadi kangen ya. hehe. nyesel waktu itu udah nolak buat reunite the band. i wish they ask me again and i will say yes now.)

so this very time i will recall and bring back those nostalgic dramas. and i will rate 1 to 10 on each one to show you how strong the song became engaged to me. wkwk

the most frequent songs i used to cover on gigs with my band were: misery business, born for this, for a pessimist i'm pretty optimistic, crush crush crush and ignorance.

all we know is falling.
basically this album was really honest and did represent their emotional lives as juvenile. it's mainly about love and breakups but the musics are really great for their ages and their songs are just so genuinely epic for a debut level.
1. All We Know // 8,7. i listen to it everytime i was angry or upset about certain relationship
2. Pressure // 8,9. i used to dislike it until i listened to the acoustic version and began to really like it, even the original bandset one.
3. Emergency // 7,1. very dramatic i like it.
4. Brighter // 9,1. if you happen to breakup or split with your lover (or who you actually in love with but ended up unsaid or something) try to listen to this song. the tune and lyrics are just so true you cant handle but sing it deeply.
5. Here We Go Again // 7,5. cocok didengarkan saat bepergian.
6. Never Let This Go // 8,6. breakup? hard to fix the things but still happen to love each other? or again unsaid love? friendzone? listen to it.
7. Whoa // 8,3. it's good when it comes to the chorus.
8. Conspiracy // 8. dramatic one, pretty deep.
9. Franklin // 7,9. time to calm down a bit (i mean after those energetic drums and high notes)
10. My Heart // 9. i just loooooove the musics and lyrics as it was dedicated for their fans. but it's also a good song of a lover. i perhaps will sing it on my wedding day. or when my child's born someday.

riot!
in this albums each instrument becomes more complex and bolder as the themes widen the lyrics and mood of the songs. the lyrics are provocative and sometimes very personal yet interactive, somehow just feels like dialogues.
1. For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic // 9,5. because it's very heating up and i used to sing it from stages to stages :p but the musics is so good and complex and energetic and kinda very personal.
2. That's What You Get // 8,6. i dont know why i used to dislike this song while during high school, i didnt get it why every people really love this song bcs i tought the tempo and tunes are slightly monotone but now i like it anyway. i mean i love it and i dont know why i used to be questioning its goodness. he.
3. Hallelujah // 9,1. BECAUSE it's so gewd. especially the live one.
4. Misery Business // 9,8. i used to sing it on festivals too, one of the most frequent playlist. it's tune, it's tempo, it's indian-folk touch on the intro, the provocative lyrics and the quality of relief after singing the song takes it to a whole next level.
5. When It Rains // 9. it's good listening to the song when it rains. not as melancholic as other gloomy songs but it also can fit the mood.
6. Let the Flames Begin // 8,2. very energetic.
7. Miracle // 8.  the drums so gud.
8. Crushcrushcrush // 9,2. idk i feel cool while singing this song. the tunes and drums, and everything in this song just can make everyone feels cool wkwk. the lyrics tho.
9. We Are Broken // 7,9. very emotional.
10. Fences // 9,8. aaaah i loooove its melody and rhythms, and bass, and the turning points where everything is heating up, then cooling down again, then it'll reach climactic bridges and yea everything's so on point. 
11. Born for This // 9,8. i used to sing this one to on stages haha even it was the first song we performed. the song make you feel sexy when you sing it. not a lusty sexy but a powerful sexy.
12. Stop This Song // 9,8. i. just. loooove this song i can never stop it.
13. Rewind // 8. the rhythms so good. the lyrics too.

brand new eyes
brand new eyes is a proof that the band was getting mature to the musics and lyrical content. the songs are becomng more melodious and somehow not as wild as riot! but most of the songs are trippy and sound very personal, best story-telling song(s) all the altrock band fans can ask for.
1. Careful // 9,8. the musics is so genuine and dramatic and energetic. emotional, provocative and somehow very personal. one of the rock song a girl can perform beyond measure causing eargasmic feeling.
2. Ignorance // 9,9. THE LYRICS can be so provocative but also really interactive, u feel like talking to the person u accuse. the tempo, the rhythms, the drums, even the shouting, the melody itself. the climax. everything. bring u to a highest point of relief.
3. Playing God // 9,9. regarding the era where spiritual identity becomes very sensitive these days, this song is really, REALLY fit to the cases. the lyrics is very on point, it sums up everything i thought about people upon their spiritual things:

you don't have to believe me, but the way i, way i see it
next time you point a finger i might have to bend it back, or break it, break it off
next time you point a finger, i'll point you to the mirror
if god's the game that you're playing, well we must get more acquainted
because it has to be so lonely, to be the only one who's holy
it's just my humble opinion, but it's one that i believe in
you don't deserve a point of view, if the only thing you see is you

4. Brick by Boring Brick // 9,92. ah ONE OF MY FAVORITE, even the clip is really cute though for a very energetic rock song. this song is a proof that a progressive rock song can have a poetic lyrics too. very brilliant. very brilliant. (full of metaphors, but really, really on point).
5. Turn It Off // 8,7. i'll turn it off, in all my spite. in all my spite, i'll turn it off. :)
6. The Only Exception // 8,9. the song somehow fits my stories so much but then it gets overrated just maybe bcs it was the one of very few paramore's song that sounds poppy. but i love it tho. who doesnt?
7. Feeling Sorry // 9,5. the lyrics man, so personal and real u feel like telling a specific story of yours.
8. Looking Up // 9,7. God know the world doesnt need another band, who-o-a who-o-a.... another story-telling one, i really love it.
9. Where the Lines Overlap // 9,95. one of my favorite!!! story-telling as always, and the melodies just sounds so alive and emotional in its own way. now i've got a feelin if i sang this loud enough, you would sing it back to me. no one is as lucky as us! we're not at the end but oh we already won :))
10. Misguided Ghosts // 9. time to calm down with a good lyrical pleasures..
11. All I Wanted // 8. yes i'm out of word now.

paramore (self-titled)
after the farro bros' farewell, this album looked like losing the usual, energetic paramore. some of em sound slighty monotone and less complex, even poppy without hayley's high notes.
1. Fast in My Car
2. Now
3. Grow Up
4. Daydreaming
5. Interlude: Moving On // 9,8. basically (poor me, stupid me, it's all there but idk where have i been) i just realized it was all about the band's response to farro bros who left the band 3 years before. but it sounds so good and easy-listening and provocative and yea i'm out of words now.
6. Ain't It Fun // 9. every single word in the lyrics is very, very on point.
7. Part II
8. Last Hope
9. Still Into You // 9,2. yah, finally, one sweet song again!
10. Anklebiters // 8,9. very provocative yet enjoyable.
11. Interlude: Holiday // 8,6. effortlessly enjoyable. a bit jazzy and poppy but still very paramore.
12. Proof // 9. ah i love this song. the lyrics suits ldr couple (or just some ordinary couples who are lack of trust to each other). tbh i miss farro's noise in some parts. they would've actually filled some holes there.
13. Hate to See Your Heart Break // 8,4. one poppy song wouldnt hurt. they're still paramore.
14. (One of Those) Crazy Girls // 8,4. weird one but still pretty enjoyable though.
15. Interlude: I'm Not Angry Anymore // 8,9. hahah nice one
16. Be Alone
17. Future // 8. trippy and nostalgic. in its own way.
18. Escape Route
19. Native Tongue // 8,4. i love the drums and melodies.
20. Tell Me It's Okay // 8,3. listening to this song makes me feel like listening to japanese alt bands idk why.

and, btw, the other reason is, it represents the way i feel about myself right here right now.

Dream Home.


suatu ketika saat kupejamkan kedua mata, aku melihatmu dari balik dedaunan, timbul tenggelam bermandi mentari senja.

lalu aku merasa hangat.

seolah nyata namun tersamar lembayung, seolah abadi namun ku tahu ini hanya mimpi.

dari balik kelopak mata kulihat seorang lelaki tersenyum
seakan dunia hanya ilusi ruang yang fana
kuembuskan nafas dan kutarik perlahan
seakan sgalanya lenyap saat tertiup bayu

langit menjelma atap kita, rumput merupa alas kita. perempuan itu bahagia. lelaki itu berkata,
harapan yang sederhana.
aku bernyanyi. jemarimu menari. bersama kita melagu riang, namun nelangsa.
yang sirna
saat kubuka mata.

Friday


the old song, amanda's effortlessly epic outfit and of course, the dog finn. the vibes can never be better. i just feel happy watching this whenever i woke up and felt upset.

Thursday

Perhaps someone needs to have a word with her over a coffee--and make it a double espresso.
anguish
  1. 1(n) severe mental or physical pain or suffering.

  1. 2. (v) be extremely distressed about something.